I can't work for the man, man.

My day with mom was a collections of ups and a down. Mostly ups, but let me discuss the down. I went with mom to her agent's new fancy office and I realized a very important thing about myself. I hate corporate structure. When mom was signing all her contracts in the conference room with fancy furniture and a clear, glass wall I licked by accident, I discovered that I do not enjoy offices of any kind. I am an artist and do want to look at Aeron Chairs and dark mahogany tables. I need open spaces and room to create my master pieces of fabulousness. Not sure what those are yet but give me time.

Okay, I had a mini tantrum while mom was signing away. Her agent, the hot red head, had a perfect baby in her arms that never uttered a peep. I, on the other hand, cried like a hyena and tried to escape that room a few times. I have mastered the pull down doorknob and will use that knowledge later on, I assure you. The carpets were so clean and the wood floors were shiny and mirror like. I looked great in the reflection but I have to be me. That being said, who am I to judge? Maybe I will be an office man with a slick suit and a habit of voting Republican. Well, that's a bit far fetched but this boy in young and maybe, just maybe, I will turn into a hedge fund manager and buy that Barbie Penthouse my mom always wanted. She so lives in the past.

The highs - eating rice, beans and a chicken taco with mom at a restaurant AND I used my own fork and spoon and I met two policemen and some fire dudes. That is always a high.

I want to say *%$# sometimes.

My new army man pajamas and I are best buds and I insisted that I keep them on during the first bottle of milk and some Sesame Street this morning. Then, I had a play date with a hottie named Sage. We hung out at her house with another dude named Aiden who cried but then got over whatever he was upset about. He seems shy and withdrawn but has a hell of a vocabulary and is two months younger than me. It's cool, though. There was a cat there named Isis and I man handled her. Mom told me several times to cool it but I am a physical guy. I love me some kitty cats. What can I say?

Then I ate dad's chicken for lunch and crashed out for a few hours. Dad came home, took me on a long walk with Brody while mom got a hot bath and a nap, that lucky wench. Then I ate dad's roasted turkey and veggies and a salad. Yes, I ate an arugula and baby lettuce salad with kidney bean, feta cheese and a Dijon vinaigrette. There are not a lot kids my age who would consume a garden like I did. Kinda cool, huh?

So the night ended with me refusing to take a bath after realizing just how tired I really was from my super awesome day. It's funny. I love the baths and playing with the plethora of bath toys I have but sometimes you just have to say enough is enough. And I said it. Get me in my crib with my blankets and my pals and get out of my room.

Tomorrow, I plan on freaking out my parents by trying, once again, to climb out of my crib and into trouble. I want to use some four letter words here, but my grandmother is on my case. I have a feeling this is just the beginning.

The Chicks Love That Shit

Today, I drove my first Porsche, ate my first Zankou chicken sandwich and went all the way to uncle Corey's mailbox and retrieved his mail. I learned that napping is good, sitting in a poopy diaper is bad and that waking up at 4:30 a.m. crying makes for a rough morning for Mommy. But it all makes for a great end of the day when I got to take a bath with Mommy and my floating marina and read A lot Of Otters, David Goes to School, Petunia and Trucks. Life is good. Now I wish Mommy would stop singing that stupid bunny song and belt out some Dylan or some Yeah Yeah Yeah's. Also, what's with her wearing the same jeans all the time? It's really gross. Can't wait for Christmas. List to follow.

His First Day of Gym Class

Balls, hoops, circle time, obstacle course, the slide, the plastic ball-o-mania, the bubbles from heaven blown by a lady with big cans, the sing-a-long and finally good bye. Oh, huzzah for the indoor gym culture and all the joy it brings a frazzled parent and a half monkey half boy child. Do you take Amex?